Training Children in the Torah is the Most Important Midda

The Torah reveals to us which Midda is the most important one through two situations which appear to contradict important Torah principles. By couching it in this way, it puts a stronger emphasis on its importance and makes a greater impression on the students of the Torah

The first one appears in the narrative of the creation of Adam on the sixth day of creation. נעשה אדם-Let Us make man. Hashem commanded the angels to participate in man’s creation. In actuality only Hashem created Adam. Yet Hashem chose to express it this way to teach the great Midda of humility. This choice of wording didn’t come without a cost. Heretics in future generations will read “let us make man” and they will question Hashem’s Omnipotence, that He needs to ask for help.

The second situation also appears in the narrative of creation, and it repeated itself in Sefer VaYikra. Rashi questions why the laws of the purity of women and the laws of Tzarat follows the laws of the Kashrut of animals. The reason for the question is because it is a principle of the Torah that when it comes to listings, the most important member of the list is on top. Thus, the laws dealing with the purity of mankind should precede those dealing with the purity of animals. Rashi points out that the question is even greater than just a section of laws. Given the principle that the most important one goes first, then why did Hashem create mankind last? The Sages of the Talmud recorded that man was created last to teach a message to all generations of the evil of arrogance. By having all of creation precede the creation of Adam, when mankind will inevitably fall into the trap of arrogance, he will be reminded that even a tiny mosquito was created before him. Hopefully through that reminder, man will embrace the greatest Midda, humility.

We are taught that humility is the greatest Midda and its opposite, arrogance, is the worst character trait. The Torah provided us with one further outstanding proof to this point and its importance in the service of Hashem. Of all the positive Middot, and surely Moshe was a paragon in all of them, it was the Midda of humility that the Torah chose to emphasize and give him the highest praise. והאיש משה עניו מכל  אדם על פני האדמה. Moshe was the humblest of all people.

When it comes to the Chinuch of children, the Torah did not leave them out. At the beginning of Sefer VaYikra, the first word, VaYikra is written with a tiny א as its final letter. Our Sages give two explanations for this obvious difference in the text.  First, Moshe, because of his great humility, wrote the א small, to make it as in significant as possible, as if the word read without it. The reason being, with the א, the word reads, “and He called”, which is an expression intended for someone of great importance. Whereas, without the א, the word connotes a casual interaction and meant for someone well beneath the dignity of Moshe. Moshe wanted to take the limelight off himself.

A second Midrash teaches that the little א is a hint for the rebbes and parents about their young children, that they should begin their Torah study in Sefer VaYikra. It is because the holy pure souls of little children, who have never sinned, are more suited to internalize the lessons of sacrifices, which were offered in an absolute state of purity. Through their study in Sefer VaYikra, the children will learn that sacrifices promote humility to those who offer it, and they will learn the story of Moshe and the small א.

Development of character ranks as the highest priority in the Chinuch of children. This idea is supported strongly by Rabbi Chaim Vital, ZL. He wrote that the Torah did not record any explicit prohibition against negative Middot because they serve as a foundation for Torah and Mitzvot and not as a specific Mitzvah. As such, an individual’s relationship to Torah and Mitzvot depends on the purity and spiritual refinement of his character.

Here is a list of strategies that parents should consider, in order to planting the seeds of humility in their children and to keep arrogance from gaining a strong hold in them.

Expose children to the stories of great people like Moshe, whose lives reflected humility and disdain for arrogance.

When children are successful in showing great self-control to defend from negative Middot, call them heroes like the Mishna teaches: איזה הוא גיבור, הכובש את יצרו.

Nurture children from a young age to show kindness and concern for the sick, elderly, and disadvantaged. The desire to help others is natural but needs to be aroused. This practice will help children to be less self-centered, which is also a natural instinct.

In keeping with best Chinuch practices, parents should shower children with lots of positivity. Catch children doing appropriate behaviors and acknowledge their achievement. However, avoid excessive praise and statements like, “you are so smart, you are a great artist, musician, etc.

Focus more on effort and less on achievement.

Parents are to be reminded that you are your children’s best teachers in Middot development, and your best teaching method is yourself. In a loving home, children want to be just like their parents. They will sooner follow what you do then follow what you say. Any Midda that you hope your child will internalize, must be one he sees you doing.

However, there is one caveat, parents must sincerely reflect the values they want their children to possess. Don’t think those desired values and Middot only need to be on display when the children are around. The Gemara tells us that children are granted a form of prophecy. The Nesivos Shalom writes “the young have a highly developed spiritual sense of smell, as it were, and an emotional instinct that enables them to penetrate to the deepest recesses of the educator’s (parent’s) mind and soul and sense his innermost thoughts.” This idea should alert those tasked with the responsibility to guide children in the development of their character to understand themselves and work on deficient areas preferably before the young clients appear on the scene.”

Much Success in your Chinuch efforts.