The Torah Expects Us to Read the Tea Leaves
The idiom “to read the tea leaves” includes in its meanings to try to understand a situation based upon subtle clues and signs. We have our own phrase for this practice, “everything is in the hands of Hashem”, nothing is by chance. For us, reading the tea leaves means to consistently be aware of life around us, micro and macro, and try to understand what is the message that is being conveyed. We also call this Hashgacha peratit- a situation specific to me and Hashgacha kelalit- a general situation for everyone.
This practice should be common in the ups and downs of peoples’ lives. Hashem sends us messages to enhance our behaviors and improve our lives by observing life situations of others and asking ourselves, “what is the message to me.” This is especially true when someone has a tragedy in his life. The rule of thumb is the closer a person is to someone who experienced a tragedy the more personal the message. An analogy of throwing a stone into a pond clarifies the idea. When the stone hits the water, it produces concentric ripples of water emanating from the point of contact. The initial ripples are stronger and bigger than the later ones. The stronger ripples represent those people who were closer to the tragedy, it impacted them more. The stronger the impact and the greater the emotional distress a person feels, the more acute the messages are and the need to internalize them.
The Torah provides situations like this to teach us the need to be aware of events and try to understand them. The story of the spies who were sent to scope out the land of Israel is a good case in point. In fact, from the Midrash, this scenario could be the case that establishes the Torah’s point of view. Rashi’s first comment at the beginning of parashat Shelach Lecha Anashim is posed as a question. Why is the story of the spies juxtaposed to the story of Miriam and Aharon speaking inappropriately about Moshe? It’s meant to place greater blame on the spies for not learning the lesson from Miriam of the evils of speaking Lashon Hara. The spies are faulted for speaking evil about the promised land, and they should have picked up on the subtle clues and signs that it’s not only a sin to speak bad about another human being but even about inanimate objects as well.
What makes this situation the granddaddy for all similar situations is the Midrash’s point that the story of the spies is not written in the Torah in chronological order. The story of Korach and his rebellion which is recorded in the Torah after the story of the spies actually took place before the spies. The situations are out of order to reinforce the message of reading the tea leaves.
As a corollary to this Torah insight, let me share an aphorism from the writings of Mr. Avi Shulman, Z” L one of the great 20th century Torah educators and thinkers in America. “A wise man learns from his mistakes. A wiser man learns from the mistakes made by others.”
One of the great advantages of age is the wisdom gained through experience. One of the great academies of life is the school of hard knocks. Shlomo HaMelech wrote, a Tzadik falls seven times and gets up. Each fall that is followed by getting up is a valuable learning opportunity.
However, Avi Shulman asks rhetorically, “must you taste the spoiled milk after others have told you it’s sour. Must you personally experience the pain of touching a hot stove after you have seen how others have been burned”? Although experiencing something firsthand can leave a lasting impression, but it can also leave scars, physically and emotionally. Whereas, learning from someone else’s fall, a strong lesson can be learned without the unnecessary suffering.
The important take away from this message for our children is the need to always be mindful. When a child is faced with a decision, for example, touching the oven. He has three approaches to the decision, touch it, see what happens when someone else touches it, or ask an adult what to do. All three approaches are rooted in the words of our sages, “be deliberate in judgement (decision making).
The best way for children to learn this important habit of the mind is by observing an effective role model. Because the lesson to be taught is abstract, parents and teachers should point out when the role model is being deliberate in judgement. Also, children can be exposed to this type of behavior through stories from books or about other loved ones.
For a fuller understanding of how to work with children in inculcating habits of the mind, read my eBook on Character Development, training children in middot.